Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
