doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
