soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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