and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
