There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
