i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
