The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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