Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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