In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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