4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
