Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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