so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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