What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
