Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
