i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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