sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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