we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
