watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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