I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize