We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
