i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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