Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
