Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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