THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
