She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want her autograph on my taint
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
