Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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