she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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