reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
