Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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