I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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