At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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