Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
