Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize