I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
