vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
