3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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