Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize