i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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