that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
