This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
