So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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