apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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