My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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