God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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