Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
