sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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