Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
