Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
