Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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