He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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