We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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