I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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