Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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