I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
