apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
