Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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