I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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