apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
