So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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