Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
