party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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