There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
