I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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