hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
