her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize