that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
