This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
