I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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