i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
