I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You need Xanax blowdarts
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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