if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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