I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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