I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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