You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
