You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
