Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
