and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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