Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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